Title: If Tomorrow Never Comes
 
Key: ~ Song lyrics

* * * * * *

“Hey Daniel” Sam said softly as she entered his office. He was sitting at the desk, papers strewn across the table staring into space.

At the sound of her voice he snapped out of it and turned his head “Hi Sam, sorry I didn’t see you there” he gave a small sniff and hurriedly wiped his eyes with his sleeve.

“How are you doing?” Her voice was full of sadness and concern

“Oh you know, same as everyone else around here”

“Not good then”

“No” he said resting his head in his hands and returning his gaze to staring straight ahead of him “I never thought...” he started, then stopped stuttering “that she’d been gone” he finished slowly

“Me neither” Sam moved to sit on the seat opposite him “it doesn’t seem real does it?”

“No, I keep thinking I’m just having some kind of hellish nightmare, that I’ll wake up and she’ll be here”

Tears pricked at the corner of Sam’s eyes, watching her friend struggle like this was hell, she could see him visibly struggling to get the words out without breaking down. “Daniel” she said reaching out and touching his arm

“You know how I felt about her” he carried on

She nodded her head sadly “Yeah I suspected”

“Well she didn’t, I never told her, I never let her know how much I cared, I thought I had time but I didn’t and now she’s gone and she’ll never know”

Sam didn’t know what to say to that, how to even begin to comfort him, but he carried on before she could attempt to “Sam” he said his voice taking a more focused, serious tone. He lifted his head to look her straight in the eyes “don’t make the same mistake as me”

“What?” she frowned slightly

“We lost Janet today but we could have lost many more, we could have lost Jack”

“But we didn’t” she said worriedly, she wasn’t sure where this was going but she didn’t want Daniel to get any more upset

“No” he agreed “But I lost someone I love very much and had that staff shot been an inch higher you would have lost Jack, just like I lost her”

“I know” she said her voice growing quiet, it was a reality that had been playing on her mind since she’d seen him hit

“So I’m saying please just make sure he knows how much it matters to you that he was okay”

“I’m sure he knows” she said, how couldn’t he know? ‘He knew how she felt about him

“Sam, I’m serious, don’t take the risk – there are never too many times you can let someone know how you care, trust me you don’t want to make the mistake I did and just hope they always knew.” He stared at her with pleading eyes ‘please Sam, I know you’re grieving for Janet, but she’d want you to say something to him, please?”

She gave a sad sigh “you’re right, I’ll go see him now”

He smiled “Thank you, that actually makes me feel slightly better”

She smiled back “thanks Daniel, I’ll be back in a while okay?”

“Yeah”

* * * * * * * *

Jack sat in the empty infirmary room trying to think about anything but the pain in his stomach, but there were so many other, equally painfully thoughts going round his head that in the end he decided maybe it was better to think about the physical pain.

The new of Janet’s death had only reached him a little while ago, he’d known there had been something wrong when she wasn’t treating his wound but the infirmary staff were so concerned with keeping him calm and sorting out his injury he couldn’t get anything out of them. Finally Daniel had been to see him and told him, Daniel the poor guy looking like he could barely stand and Jack didn’t blame him. He knew how much Janet meant to him and now he would never get the chance to tell her.

Jack’s heart ached for him, he knew the pains of love all too well and as he sat in the infirmary he found himself thinking about what would have happened if he had died. Would Sam have been left like Daniel, wondering how much he’d truly cared? He hated to think of that, the thought that he could be gone and she would never truly know how much she meant.

* * * * * *

Sam pushed the door open slowly, peering in nervously, she spotted Jack sitting on the bed rearranging his T-shirt over the dressing on his wound. “Sir, we heard you were up and around” she said moving into the room and closing the door behind her.

“Yeah still a little tender but they said I could go home,” Jack said looking up at her

She nodded, unsure what to say. Her head was full of thoughts – thoughts of Janet, thoughts of Daniel’s words “We’re lucky that staff blast hit you where it did, that new vest insert works well” she tried to keep the tremor out of her voice and keep the mood light, but it was impossible

“Didn’t help Fraiser much” he said what had been on both their minds

She shook her head tearfully “no” she said softly, looking at the ground so he couldn’t see the tears building up

Jack stood up and moved over to his jacket “how’s Cassie?”

“She’s a strong kid, she survives you know” the truth was that Cassie was just as much a wreck as any of them, but this wasn’t the time to get into that

“Yeah” he pulled on his jacket “you speaking at the memorial?” he said looking for something to say

Sam wasn’t really listening to what he was saying, her mind was back with Daniel’s words ‘there are never too many times you can let someone know how you care’. Taking a deep breath and struggling to stop the tears from falling she started “Sir” pausing slightly to take another breath and silence the tremor in her voice “I...I just wanted to say...” she paused, looking up into his eyes. Eyes that were filled with sorrow and concern, biting her lip and taking another breath she continued “when you were lying there...” breaking off she looked back at him and they exchanged a long look. She knew he knew what she was going to say and part of her told her to stop there, ‘its okay’ she told herself ‘he knows’, but Daniel’s voice was still there ‘you don’t want to make the mistake I did and just hope they always knew’

Stuttering she looked him in the eyes and imploring him to understand her meaning, her voice full of emotion she said, “I’m really glad you’re okay” she blinked away tears and prayed silently he understood the true meaning behind her words.

After a second she looked at the ground, she didn’t think she could look into those eyes any longer without bursting into tears. She was about to make a hurried excuse to leave when he moved quietly nearer her. Looking up she found herself gazing into his eyes again. Never had she seen them full of so much sorrow and compassion. She knew he understood.

“Come here” and finally he pulled her into his arms. He held her so tight she felt like she couldn’t breathe, and when he buried his head into her neck she let it all go. All the pain and sadness she’d been holding in – all those tears came flooding out.

And there she stayed, sobbing in his arms, knowing there was no where else she could possibly be at this moment, no one else who could help her though it, no one else she was meant to be with. She knew he knew why she’d come to see him, he knew how much it meant to her that he was there with her. Every tear that fell was a tear for Janet but it was also a tear for him – tears that only the deepest love could know.

* * * * *

Daniel sat in the darkness of the infirmary, ‘here’ he thought ‘here’ he had spent so much time with her. ‘Here’ she had saved his life countless times, ‘here’ she had watched him ascend and ‘here’ he sat – without her.

~If tomorrow never comes

Will she know how much I loved her?

Did I try in every way to show her every day

That she's my only one? ~

Tears fell silently down Daniel’s face as all the pain he felt overwhelmed him, he shut his eyes in despair, his heart full of sorrow for the woman that he loved.

~Is the love I gave her in the past

Gonna be enough to last

If tomorrow never comes?~

They stood in each other arms, neither saying a word, neither needing too, all that needed to be said had been said and the silent bond between them calmed their crying hearts.

~So tell that someone that you love

Just what you're thinking of

If tomorrow never comes~

End